The Importance of "Me" Before "We"

We are all guilty of it, being relationship crazy before our parents can even utter the word "hormone". We rush into the first relationship that we can, then break up over some nonsense, and wash, rinse, repeat. The stress we put on the "we" is astounding. Too often we are looking for our soul mate before we even know how we take our coffee. Girls desperately want to be a part of a whirlwind romance, losing ourselves in the idea of love rather than actually falling in love.

Most girls start dating in high school, and I am not saying there is anything wrong with that. Hell, I did that. Girls will spend most of high school worrying about if their boyfriend is cheating on them, or if their crush is interested, or crying in the bathroom because she is going through a break up. High school is a time for self discovery, not for the never ending tragedy that is young romance. When we are young, we don't even know the characteristics we value in our friends, let along someone we are dating.

For the record, I am not saying that we shouldn't date in high school. On the contrary, actually. I am saying we SHOULD date, and date a lot! The more people you know, the better you know yourself. If you pigeon hole yourself to one person all through high school, you miss knowing what you like to do, the things you enjoy, and even learning what you want to be! You find yourself creating all of your plans on the idea of spending time with someone, waiting to make plans with friend on the weekend so you know what "we" are doing. You then find yourself applying to the same school to be close to one another. Let look at the truth here, how many people actually stay together for a long while after high school? No one I know, and certainly not me.

By equally distributing your time with friends and different guys, you learn more about yourself. You find yourself being more involved in life, even learning who is worth spending time with. To learn your own personal strengths and weaknesses is one of the most important lessons we can learn before we decide to commit to one person.

Take a breath, and take a good look at yourself in the mirror. Like it or not, this is who you are stuck with until the day you die, you may as well know her. After all, she will be your best friend.

Why Overboard is Underrated

You and your other have had a disagreement, over what it doesn't matter, but suffice to say that you haven't been giving them what they need to be happy. You vow to do better... but how? So you sit and think, as most women do...then you think and think and think and think. For good measure, you think some more. What did he MEAN?

Let's say that you aren't really what you would call a morning person...okay, that may be a bit of an understatement, you're really more of a zombie. So you wake up in a blur and you stumble through your morning in a series of grunts and nods. Your other on the other hand, is a bit better in the mornings. Without realizing it, you sit across from him, in his direct line of sight, and you never say good morning. Not even a nod or a grunt, just nothing. Well, he lets the day go by, and sits down with you that night and tells you he would really appreciate it if you acknowledged him a bit more when you woke up. He goes to bed, satisfied that he told you what was on his mind, you, on the other hand, stay awake.

While awake, you wonder, what does he actually mean? You examine the situation closely, turning it on every angle, thinking about the possibilities of each word. Could it mean that he just wants a simple kiss good morning? No, that can't be it, who would complain about that? Maybe he needs some doting. That sounds a little better. What if I made breakfast? Getting warmer... Cereal? No, anyone can make cereal! I'll make some eggs and bacon, toast with butter and coffee! I can do that EVERY morning, no problem!!

From there you drift asleep, happy with the changes you have set out to make. In the morning, your rise, your grand intentions still in your head. Off to the kitchen! You whip up a great breakfast which is met was a warm response. You have done well...

Or have you?

You have to refer to Occam's razor, which says, "all things being equal, the simplest explanation is usually the correct one." That isn't to say the effort isn't wonderful or appreciated, but it does pose a quandary, your intention to cook breakfast everyday (or whatever your personal situation may be) is very sweet, but unrealistic. People revert to old habits when setting lofty goals. You would be better suited to start small (ie - give that good morning kiss and have a little chat) rather than jump to big breakfast every morning. You will get bored, and you will stop doing this, only exacerbating the problem at hand: You aren't giving him the attention he needs in the morning.

No need to read between the lines with everything he said. It's pretty clear he just needs acknowledgement. Going overboard in situations like these only breeds more resentment in the end when the new GRANDER habit wears off. Besides, a little appreciation (and a little consideration) go a long way.