Thursday, August 13, 2009

The Idea of the "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend"

I don't know if you watched the video in my post two days ago, but I HIGHLY recommend doing so before you read this, just so you understand where I am coming from. If you have watched it, then read on!

This is for all the crazy ex-girlfriends in the world. You know who you are, and most of us have been stamped with that inglorious name due to some random childish behavior. We have called too many times and hung up. (DAMN YOU, CALLER ID!) We have driven past his work to see if he is REALLY there. We have gotten insanely jealous of something that really meant nothing. (This, by the way, is how we ended up being the crazy EX girlfriend.) Too often we are all lumped into a category of mentally unstable and prone to fits of rage through no one's fault but our own. All stereotypes are made from an element of truth, and this is no exception. Many a male friend has asked me what the "deal" is with crazy behaviors like these, and I have to be honest, I rarely have a legitimate answer. So, like anyone that would want an answer, I went to someone that just may have it: my fiance. What makes him the source of all things female in my life? He is the youngest of 3 children, both of his elder siblings being of the female persuasion. So he got to see the teenage and young adult craziness at it's finest.

"I think it's the rather fun combination of societal programming, immaturity, insecurity and emotional thinking that forms the 'crazy-quilt' of young women in relationships. There is no one thing, it's just a stew of hot molten psycho. "

First off you have got to LOVE the term "crazy-quilt". I am adopting it as my own, thank you very much.

"It's happened to every girl I have ever known between the ages of 14 and 22."

This caused me to look back on my own self-made quilt of crazy. Sadly, I have to admit it's true. Looking back at my teenage and younger adult years, I was ripe with insecurity and acted in such a fashion that makes me cringe today. I know I have called so many times that my fingers hurt. And I know I have attempted to control situations that had nothing to do with me. So, why? Why would I put myself through that sort of hell, knowing full well that it will end badly if I keep it up? But that compulsion to know his every move just tugged at my stomach, causing me to press onward.

Now, I know that my mother cautioned my against this manic behavior, telling me that it would lead to disaster, but I knew better. (Lord, don't we all at that age?) I "knew" that if I gave him an inch of space that he would abandon me. Just like I "knew" that if I let him hang out with his friends, he would cheat on me. Oddly enough, this is just a self-fullfiling prophecy. The more we put that stranglehold on them, the further they run. There is such pressure early on in our lives to find a man and settle down. The best I can say is that the pressure cracks us when we are young and trying to MAKE it happen.

This is all well and good if you are 16, 17, 18, 19, etc, but what if you 26 and still pulling this garbage? That's where the problem lies. If you FREAK when you can't reach him and decide that he is OBVIOUSLY screening your calls and is breaking up with you, so you go out, get wasted and sleep with some other guy, there may be a problem. (I'm just sayin'!) This is the behavior that so many men loathe. This is what keeps them thinking that we are all the "crazy ex-girlfriend". (By the way, if he breaks up with you, going to his favorite hang out so you can "accidentally" bump into him is a really bad idea. DO NOT DO IT!) The trick to this is you can't make someone like you more than they do. If they are going to like you more, they have to come to it on their own. Calling them 97 times a day and hanging up, or "randomly" showing up at their house with a plate of their favorite meal is creepy, not cute. If you have to ask your ALL of your friends to find one that thinks what is most obviously a bad idea is a good idea, you should likely avoid said idea at all costs.

We all just want them to like us, but they will never like you if you aren't you. You are NOT a girl that sits by her phone, waiting for him to call, just in case he wants to hang out. If you are that girl, stop being that girl. He isn't calling for a reason. You have to be interesting on your own. Get a hobby. I don't care what it is. There are so many things to learn in this world. If you aren't into socializing, learn knitting or crochet. Okay, this isn't the coolest of hobbies, but it's something, right? I guess my point is, you aren't going to attract a man with a butterfly net and pin him down. You need to attract a man with who you ARE, and if even you don't like it, they why should he? There is a cool girl in all of us, we just need to find her and take her out for a spin. So go find YOUR inner cool girl and take her for a ride. You just may like who she is more than you thought!

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