The thought came to me earlier this week as I was listening to my assorted girlfriends complain about how their respective men don't think about their feelings, that maybe we don't really consider the feelings of any of the men in our lives. Fathers, brothers, uncles, nephews, boyfriends and husbands, they all get to be victim of our accidental preoccupation with our feelings. Now, it's true that we are far better equipped to deal with letting emotions out into the world, but that simply does not mean that men don't feel at all. Little time passes in my life without hearing another friend complain about how her boyfriend doesn't care about her feeeeelings, or think about her feeeeelings, or ask her how she feeeeeels. Well, enough already. The table has turned ladies, it's time to think that maybe underneath the existing "rugged" and "manly" exterior there is someone who may honestly feeeeeel someway about something and you never bothered to ask.
News Flash!
The sensitive man exists...even if he may be in hiding. So let's think about this a little bit and consider the facts. When we are little girls, we are told to be honest. If something bothers you, just share it. You get a knee scrape and it hurts, it's okay to cry. It's okay because you're a girl, and girls are supposed to cry. That's just how these things work. Little boys, on the other hand (unless raised by a very nurturing mother, mind you) are told to "buck up" or "suck it up, boy, be a man." How can someone honestly think telling a sad four year old boy to "be a man" is a good idea? Did people really think that this wouldn't cause emotional damage to people? Now what we have is a bunch of grown men that instead of communicating what they feel, decide to pound it out in the gym or throw a few back with the boys. Then get rowdy and stupid until someone gets hurt which only results in the mocking the hurt person, telling them to "suck it up". Truly, a very vicious cycle.
This next part is aimed at all of the men that read this, even the ones that won't admit it. Big news, boys, it is okay to feel and/or cry if something bothers you. To be honest, I am not saying it's okay to cry about every little thing like you're watching "The Notebook", but still, if your dog dies or something awful happens it will not kill you to let it out by telling someone what's going on. Contrary to popular belief, women are NOT mind readers, so we may not actually be able to tell that when you are stomping around being somber and angry that there may be an actual issue. You have to tell us. Sometimes, just sometimes, we can give you a perspective that may change the way you see the problem. Maybe even help you solve it. We are generally pretty decent comforters as well, so just keep that in mind.
This is for the ladies: STOP EXPECTING YOUR MAN TO READ YOUR MIND! There, I said it. Damn...someone had to. I hate hearing about all of these relationship problems that we all have. We are constantly BEGGING our men to communicate with us, when we are just as guilty when it comes to telling them when there is a genuine problem. If he is doing something that annoys the hell out of you, tell him. If you had a rough day at work and need some quiet time, TELL HIM! Do not, I repeat, DO NOT proceed to sigh and roll your eyes. Most of all, do not say the dreaded phrase "if you don't know, then why should I tell you". Good lord, do you know how childish that sounds? This phrase that we are all guilty of using every once in a while is HURTFUL. This causes pain and confusion to someone that you say you love. That, ladies, is the opposite of good.
Long story short here, you have to think about what you feel when someone does something. If it hurts, try and make a point not to do it to someone else. Everyone has feels, even if they aren't the best at communicating that fact. Remember the golden rule, "Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you". Follow that simple rule, and you will never go wrong.
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